The stay at home wife

The stay at home wife. I am such a creature. It isn't because I believe my place is at home taking care of my man who makes three times what I would make in the working world. It isn't because I have children. It isn't because I don't have any marketable skills. Its because I periodically feel the desire to do this and we could afford to. 

I enjoy a clean organized life. I enjoy cooking but mostly I enjoy having time to write, paint, and play video games. It's good for my mental health. We negotiated this. Certainly, Mad Science gets the benefit. I am not irritable and exhausted at the end of most days. I frequently cook, pack lunches, make breakfast. We have clean laundry and more regular sex. The point is, this was an active choice. The point is He doesn't expect it or demand it of me. I was worried when we first talked about this. I questioned my value. Am I as valuable staying at home and doing what I do than I would be if I brought in money? That question leads to another. Valuable to whom exactly?  

This was a big issue for me. Do I derive enough value of self based on my own feelings and ideas about who I am for that to be enough to cause me to feel contented? Or do I need to be seen as valuable to others for that to happen? I wish I could say my own sense of self was strong enough not to need the opinions and approval of others. No man is an island, as the saying goes, so perhaps we aren't meant to be confident based solely on our own ideas of whether we are acceptable or not. I do know that I feel better as a person this way. I believe my contribution matters and my skills make a good fit for what our FOC needs. I feel happier and more fulfilled. I also feel more useful and less stressed out. 

When asked, Mad Science says I am more valuable. The cost of my working would be more in stress, wear and tear on the vehicle, clothing allowance, and mental health costs which may not be offset by what income I would bring in at this point in my life. He also likes to be taken care of and this certainly factors. So the pay off is a good one for us all. 

My nephew is currently in a situation where he doesn't have a job but his girlfriend does. His mom has been pressuring him to find work and purpose in life. I asked the young people about it on a recent visit and they were alright with the situation as long as they could afford for it to be that way. His mom thinks he should be working and providing for himself because he is a man. Is his desire to stay at home really any different than my staying home? Traditionalists, would argue that since a man is more suited to labor and more likely to make a living wage, that he should be the one making the money for the family. See how the archaic paradigm binds both sexes to conformity? The thing is no one will work their whole lives, not even at the same place of employment. Illness, children, training, economy all factor in to the issue. He may at some point find it essential to his happiness beyond survival to work then again maybe not. But is it mooching because a man does it when for a woman it's "her place"? Just food for thought.