Purity Worship

I've often wondered what wanting a virgin is all about. I was talking to my friends who are all old and wise enough to be past this but we were discussing our society's obsession with purity. I have heard it said by a number of Christian women it's about respect for self, like modesty, resourcefulness, and humility. But really it's about the two camp dichotomy of Madonna (as in Jesus' mom) and Whore.

Do men still want to marry that sweet young thing who has never been touched by another man? If so the viable options are always really young and getting younger. You almost have to be twelve these days to get any attention. Is this Lolita thing about conquest? Ownership? Training one like you like her to behave? or is it something even more sinister?

Think of the old trope for a second: a man should have experience but a woman shouldn't. Where does a man get his experience? From a woman supposedly. Who would that be but the very women vilified by society for being sexually active or <gasp> getting paid for sex. Let's look at what kind of experience that is from the generalized point of view. If from a prostitute this experience is often solely directed at the pleasure of a man. The only experience he is getting is his gratification. Now, if society is to be believed the other partners, sluts, are those who have low self esteem or are sexually abused so they clearly aren't in it for sexual gratification but to feel good about being desirable. Just for the sake of argument now don't freak out. We know girls who engage in sex are not always sexually abused or lack self worth. So often that sex is awkward, forced, coerced, or drunken at the very least, if the people they are banging are as presented by society.

So what kind of first go is it for the new bride really, again about him. And if she goes her entire life married to him and he is her only sexual experience how is she to know it is supposed to be this wonderful connection of two human souls? Who does it serve? Him. He never has to worry about his manhood being questioned. After all I was told as a young woman it was my duty to service my husband and my enjoyment in it had little to do with it.

Now lets move to cougar town. If I, as an older experienced woman was attracted to young men and engaged in popping his cherry I would be looked on as the worst kind of woman. I would be seen at least by society as the predator. No different really. Not saying that a woman doesn't have a right to sleep with whomever she likes as long as it is safe, sane, consensual and legal. But society would have you believe that there are desperate women who struggle against aging by conquering young men.

That may be true. I don't do that myself I couldn't speak beyond speculation. But if it is the case why is a young woman called a gold digger if she marries an older man and a young man who marries an older woman isn't?  Just challenge that in your mind for a minute.

Now, lets talk about a different place where purity worship is a problem. Fashion. I don't really have to say more but you know me. Why are there so many cartoon people that are more photoshop than real. Why are they all twelve and anorexic and why are people doing mean things to them while they try to look like they are enjoying it? More to the point how is this ok? It only serves to show women of any age and color that they must at least seem young and virginal and pale skinned to get any love. Not true. But the message is clear, you aren't ok if you aren't this (insert object of beauty). Some of our greatest icons for beauty were plus sized women. Marilyn was a size 14. Hell Queen Latifah was super fine before they started tampering with her look now she looks like every other icon. The other day I actually had a man comment to me that I was fat on purpose to reduce men's options. I was like "What?" it was of course ridiculous.  My being fat has nothing to do with you not wanting to sleep with me because I am fat. Ok mostly. But is isn't a malicious act on my part to rob men of one more opportunity, no should be sufficient. I just have to say here, I have no idea why, but men seem to feel completely comfortable saying the most horrid things to me. Not that I mind, as such, being a scientist I do like honesty in my test group. It does make me a little skewed though so forgive my recent obsession with gender, rape, sex and anything else that seems repetitive. Like anyone else I am just trying to find my place in this continuum of role, gender, and humanity. So, thoughts on purity? Where do you fall?