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Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Still Poly and still swimming

Well, it has been quite a while since I wrote. My life has been shaken up. My son The Jedi stayed with us for a year, then went back to Texas. The Griffin and Mr. Atheist finally broke up for good. That meant she came to stay with Mad Sci and I. This did not go well. Griffin's relentless abuse of my person, and my ways, became intolerable, at which point, I took a little vacation. This spring Jedi was back in my life again because of a prolonged break up with his girl in Texas. Also Mr. Atheist is a bigger part of my life. So the FOC has shifted a little. Mad Sci, Prof, Mr. Atheist, Jedi and myself. Mad Sci has also added a couple of lovelies to our lives Kawaii and Wild Orchid. These are his club playmates. Things have returned to relative peace and quiet.

Some of you may be curious about my time with the Griffin. So here is the breakdown. I wanted to do everything I could for my friend. She would have been homeless if I had not been here for her. But her paranoia and fantasy overwhelmed her convincing her that I was to blame for all her problems.

I don't know when exactly this happened but she went from being my friend to no longer being my friend. Her wild accusations about my motives and behavior were followed by soul crushing verbal abuse.  I was wrong about everything, my house wasn't clean enough, my clothing style offensive, my care of my husband inadequate, my essential self unacceptable. I am not angry that she decided not to like me, I am angry at myself for being taken in and letting this go on so long. She has told everyone she could that I broke up her relationship with Mr. Atheist, not true. She has also been saying I physically attacked her, also not true.

I don't wish her harm but it will be a cold day in hell before I extend my hand again. You only get to break the skin once with me. I hope she finds what she is looking for and a person willing to love her for all her insanity.

Other than that, and a 5day trip to the mental health hospital, things returned to relative peace for me pretty quickly.

Mr. Atheist and I are still recovering from the tropical storm that was Griffin but things are better between us too. I had always kept some distance between us so she would not need to worry about my loyalty to her but once the shit hit the fan, I knew who my real friend was. I had crow to eat. I had believed everything she said about him and stood by her. I eliminated him from my life for her comfort. This was a mistake and I have since corrected it and we are good friends again.

Needless to say, for the moment, I am completely put off by other women. I hope that changes in the future. We shall see.

Saturday, November 16, 2013


Well, I am feeling better.  I am sure seeing Prof would still bring tears, I think I am ok for now. I've been watching the delicate balancing act between Mr Atheist and the Griffin and I am glad Prof decided to break it off as he did. They waffle back and forth between affectionate friendship and their old "together" behavior. I, honestly couldn't speculate on how this will go south but go south it will.

As for the Jedi, he has finally found, THE ONE, and is therefore now ready to grow up. He has worked at least one day this week. I hope he will get in the habit of more than sporadic work, his new girl has a lot on his list.

Mad Sci is wonderful and supportive, as is his way. Winter's lower work load and reduced pay, coupled with a sudden change in my student loan payment have financially shaken us but we aren't going down.

I've come to the conclusion that it is time to get back to work on myself. As for my prospect, who has not yet earned a name for the blog, I am really thinking, for the first time, that I just want friends for a while rather than playmates. Another side effect of examining my behavior in this last relationship, I suppose. Or maybe it's that I follow my rules and don't really engage while coping with loss. We rarely talk. I see him briefly once a week, with little in the way of real communication, more sort of interest.

I am not so interested in chasing down a man's ego at this point so it's not really moving very quickly.

My friend, Lumberjack is having problems with getting scammed because of desperate loneliness. I have been trying to encourage him to change his approach. From online, late night chatting to actually taking a day off and doing something social he enjoys. He and his boys will be up for Thanksgiving.

We don't usually go to a lot of trouble for this one since we do Maybon as an FOC. But Mad Sci's folks are here and I have a couple of siblings here so we usually treat it as a family of source day. Griffin had to make a turkey and so we are hosting.

I am looking forward to the change in our family holidays this year. I have friends and family here we don't always have, and even though we will feel the loss of Prof, he will be  in our hearts.

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Breaking up is hard to do

Well, it's official. I am down to one man again. Prof is gone. Sigh. I just wish it hadn't had to be angry. I did say some things that seemed condescending or could be seen as such and for that I can take responsibility, for that I am sorry. He is making an effort to eliminate me totally from his mind. No Facebook, no g+, no phone, no chance to explain myself. I hate that. But I do understand, if we were no longer happy it is the best decision for us both. I hope he goes on to find the peace and happiness I could not bring him.

Now my job is to just grieve and go on. Goodbye Prof. We have had fun, and learned a lot about ourselves I am sorry it had to be like this.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

FOC update

You know how they say "Life is what happens while you are making plans"? Well, apparently, it's true for when you blog as well.

Prof and I have recently reexamined our relationship in light of some new information he has learned about himself and what he needs. We are stepping back from spending so much time together, to something a little more casual. We will still go forward together but he is no longer considering moving in with us. 

Honestly, this makes me sort of sad and also sort of relieved. Let me explain; I am sad because it has been very intense, these last couple of years. We have had many of those self knowledge explosions. I am relieved because with all the spiritual work I do I was beginning to feel a little threadbare. 

So, I will be taking the time I would have spent with him and redistribute it for myself for a while. I am also about to interview a new casual dating prospect. 

Prof's love interest found someone more interesting to her but she is making moves to get out of her loveless marriage in order to live her life on her terms.

Mr Atheist and the Griffin are now broken up. He, of course, is still trying to win her but she is having none of it. 

My good friend, Artemis, is battling cancer and we have been talking about making space for her if she needs us.

My young Jedi is lost between hopelessness and desire. He has had a couple of brief affairs while here but nothing really useful. He is in a big hurry to fall in love and get married. Little does he know that's where things get interesting. I have been trying to help him understand the value of providing for himself until Princess Charming comes so he knows he can do it without her if he has too. It is a comfort in a break up to know you have your own resources to fall to, if you need them.

Well that's the news this week. Now that I am disentangled I will try, dear readers, to be more diligent.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

DOMA, poly saturation, and unicorn hunting

I am happy to hear that DOMA was overturned now my LGBT friends can have all the same rights from the feds as my hetero friends do, if married in a state where it's legal.

I heard a podcast recently which talked about how many is too many. For me I guess it would depend on direct contact. Who am I personally in relationship with. Three is currently my intimate limit. As far as metamours of the boys well as long as I didn't have to remember birthdays or anniversaries or kids names maybe a lot more. Really for me the sex isn't the important part so much now. Don't get me wrong I love sex but it is not essential to have it with another person as often. Intimacy for me is also about being heard and being able to be in someone else's confidence which I like very much. Having someone I can trust who will be honest not just complaisant. I agree with one commenter, if there are too many for a d&d game it's too many.

Unicorn hunting
In case you didn't know this is sort of offensive. Usually, it is a couple looking for a third person that they both have access to sexually or in relationship, where the third is expected to date both members of the couple but no one else. To me this always seems a little unreasonable to the third party. What if she likes the wife but not the husband or vice versa? And what if she meets someone outside the relationship that she wants to explore? Unicorn hunting implies a couple of things to me I don't like. One: the first preservation is of the couple and their stability in the relationship. They are usually in control of the situation. Two: calling someone a unicorn makes them an object without considering the whole person. Their needs are often labeled "drama" and overlooked. While it's not always true it does happen frequently and end badly.


Wow has it been nearly a month since last I wrote? Well, here's the update. My daughter and her hubby have just had their new baby a lovely girl. normally people say things like: "I'm so proud of you...." whenever you accomplish something natural to human life that all or most humans do. I am not sure pride is the right feeling. I am happy that she is succeeding in pursuing what she thinks of as normal, as long as it makes her happy. As to being a grandmother .... meh. I don't know what to think. Mainly, it gives me someone to crochet toys and blankets for. I am happy for her, don't get me wrong, I am just not sure that celebrating a bodily function that promotes survival of an already huge species on an overtaxed planet is something to be proud of.

Prof had a recent doctor's appointment and we were really scared until the blood work came. It was one of those cases where the blood work says something different than the doctor's speculation. His cholesterol was down a hundred points and his blood-sugar A1C or whatever they call it was better. So my grief response was unwarranted, thank you very much.

Mad Science has been happily playing at the Foundry with a new play partner. We are trying to slim down expenses for savings, I am working on my christmas present list. My good friends are struggling right now with their relationship and I will be working on the film festival again this year. Not much news really.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Catching Up

I know I haven't written in a month pretty much exactly. Here is the news. I have so enjoyed having my son around that I worry that when he leaves that I will miss him more than I have a right to. Being quasi Buddhist the attachment thing can be a struggle sometimes. I know worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome but having a preference sets me up for disappointment. So I am determined to be in the moment.

Mr. Atheist and the Griffin have been having issues but I try not to be senseless and really pick sides if I can. They will work it out or they won't it is up to them.

Mad Science has dipped back into the kink world and had a good beating. Seeing the marks, left me feeling a tiny bit jealous. Here is one more thing I have given up that he now must find elsewhere. It suits my theory that no one person can be everything to another. Aaaand choosing what works for me, does mean I am taking care of myself but I still wonder how many of these things can a relationship take. But it is why we are poly, I suppose, not just for the intimacy but for all facets of relating.

I can be happy for him in his enjoyment and new friends but did need a little reassurance that he does love me. Having said that, I have to note that I am going to Profs for the week of wifery. We haven't seen each other much in the last two months because my car has no air conditioning and he hasn't had the money. Which has been stressful everything seems a bit unstable. The engineer kept him late making a lasagna for his folks and so I didn't get to see him the first day he arrived. Yesterday we all went to see Monsters University as a family. I felt like a queen surrounded by my guys Prof on one side, Mad Science on the other and the Jedi only a seat away.

It's also the first time since he's been here that I will be away from the Jedi for any length of time so that will feel odd.

All things considered things are great and I know rationally that nothing lasts forever but it is a good irritation to remind me to hold life lightly. I must remember that impermanence is real and grasping hold of things I want to keep, holds me back spiritually.