1. Needing a Teleporter - I feel like this is true for the anyone trying to juggle work, soccer practice, ballet, the cleaners, the post office, and still get dinner and housework done. Sure it's taxing but it's part of the way a person chooses to live their life. I have family I would like to spend more time with, I have hobbies, I have stuff to do and people to see, but I wouldn't trade the benefits of taking care of each of those activities and people. Do I ever wish I could be in two places at once? Absolutely, especially since Prof is three hours away. I couldn't be there for him last time he was sick because of my stupid car. But was he taken care of? Yep, the Engineer stepped in to look after him for a little bit. It's important to remember I don't have to meet all of the needs for every person in my life. I don't expect them to do so for me. Why should I put myself under so much pressure? Having more people sometimes means that more gets done so we all have more time together.
2. Spillover - This isn't exclusive to poly either. If I had a fight with Mad Sci and then went to work all pissed off it would affect my performance. Like being bitched at by a stranger for no reason would make me livid and my spouse would have to help me cope with that. Not just a poly people problem.
3. Surprise! Big Feelings - In a mono relationship there are as many pitfalls here as in poly. I used to have a best friend who jealously accused me of "selling out" when I spent more time with my husband than her. We weren't even in a friends with benefits type relationship. Jealousy happens but it's even worse when you expect one person to meet all your needs. People get angry, feel depressed, or get jealous it's part of life and not exclusive to those you sleep with.
4. Scheduling - I feel like scheduling is like #1. We all want to be with the people we love. However, time is somewhat limited. We are pretty lose about scheduling here. I take my moments where I find them.
5. Loss - Loss is something everyone experiences. Everyone. I don't think it's more prevalent but more variables means more likelihood. I have experienced loss and it was no less devastating outside my poly life than inside. Loss is loss and it takes time to deal with it. Whether it is a lover or family or a friend it still requires the same process to deal with and move through.
Bonus Point: Social Stigma - Being poly means being on the fringes of the relationship landscape. So does being LGBT, people do it to be true to themselves not to have the approval of others. That said, it would be nice if mainstream media was more open to the vast amount of variability possible in societal function. This is changing. Being poly, people always want to know about how it negatively impacts me. They only want whatever drama there is to be had by it. They make jokes about it because it's inconceivable that they themselves (ergo anyone else) could be happy this way. All of life operates with the possibility that variety will show itself in infinite combinations human beings are no different.
I'm not arguing that these aren't the bad side of poly, just that they are not exclusive to poly. They are a part of life period. It just seems like more trouble, it can be sometimes, but the committed love I feel is much greater.
No comments:
Post a Comment