Tease vs Slut

Redhead Bedhead had a great video about the Psychology of Slut on her site. http://www.redheadbedhead.com/thoughts-on-the-psychology-of-slut/

You can check out her article and the video at the link above. I just want to add my two cents here.

The problem with slut shaming is it's about control. Just another way to put women and girls in small boxes to keep us predictable and knowable. If a man enjoys a healthy active sex life he is celebrated as a stud. The problem is slut shaming does have some impact on us. What happens is we feel we have to hide our needs, enjoyment, and control of our sexual lives. We in essence become the public service for slutty men, the container for a man's needs, which is where good married girls have lived historically and that's abuse by the way. Way to share your suffering girls! If you don't chose to speak up for your needs, say no when you mean no, tease but don't deliver, have sex when you don't want to, never initiate, and don't care for your contraceptive and disease control needs you are as much a slave to desire as you claim we are. The problem is, you don't enjoy it.

Another problem with the label is it supports some strange idea that if we like sex as women, we will and do sleep with any and all comers, that's not true. It is also assumed we all have low self esteem for some reason or were sexually abused as children. I will admit it does happen and I myself have been there but it isn't always the case. And being slutty does not mean being raped is deserved. Rape is forced subjugation not sex. Real men can control themselves because they live from a place of personal power rather than having to steal it from women.

Why is it that women are supposed to be the moral center of the universe or the greatest evil ever? Why are there no shades of gray? We are human and to be worshiped (vilification is sometimes a jealous reluctant worship) at either extreme is exhausting and not realistic to our needs. We are either your fuck buddy or your mother. Why can't I be a pie baking, house keeping, condom toting hottie with soccer practice pick up in an hour so lets get moving? And just who are all these studs sleeping with? Women who want to have sex and are confident in their desire and actually enjoy and engage.

It's time women were all on the same side again. Sex is good. Science has proven it's many mental and physical health benefits. Done properly sex can be a spiritual experience. Not if you are laying there thinking "I wish he would hurry up." They take what they can get because we let them but if we asked for what we wanted, and began to enjoy sex more I bet men would enjoy it more too. Sex is the most intimate way to engage with another person why not be really present. So teases of the world, the moral standard, please remember next time your sexual needs go unmet think of me. I get it, I enjoy it, and I don't feel a bit guilty.