Happiness in a burning building: How to date the doomed?

I listened to Minx's Polyweekly podcast this week about how to date someone in a doomed long term relationship check it out. http://polyweekly.com/2012/10/pw-339-dating-someone-in-a-doomed-relationship/

We currently have this issue in the FOC. Mad Science, Prof and I are fine, don't worry, but Prof is interested in someone whose "relationshop" is going bankrupt and about to downsize, maybe. So this is what he is doing:

Being a supportive friend. Allowing her time to make her decisions. Making them cheat proof by limiting alone time. And if it does go pear shaped he is prepared to follow the sanity rule. Wait, until she is again sane and allow her to make a decision based on post grief, rather than rushing into another relationship to avoid it.

The one thing our set up supports is NOT being homewreckers. We don't play unless everyone knows and is cool. There are plenty of people in the pond and so there is no sense in taking someone's traditional family life and screwing it up. This doesn't happen alone of course but to be the fuel for someone else's leaving with some vague promise of a better relationship isn't really fair.

But there is a better question here. If they aren't having sex is it still a poly relationship?

I love many people and have relationships with many people I don't have sex with. 3D Dino and I have a mutually beneficial relationship that is mostly intellectual. Would we have sex if the circumstances were different? Possibly, but I do love him. I find him mentally stimulating and enjoy talking to him, debating with him and being probed by him in a mental way. He makes me ask questions I might otherwise miss myself. I like that it adds value to my life.

Griffin and I have discussed sex and though the thought is delightful I prefer her to remain my best friend. Do I love her? Yes. Is she part of my FOC? Yes. Poly isn't just about sex. It's about having the ability to love more intimately with more people. To us the most intimate thing you can do is listen, accept, and be supportive. You can fuck anyone without feelings or commitment but real love is about mutual respect, interest, and consideration for another person. So is he in a poly relationship with the Engineer? I think so, because he does all those things for her. Are they happy in this burning building? To some extent because there is comfort and satisfaction of mutual support and respect. Will it stay this way? He isn't holding his breath for her to leave her hubby but no situation is static, who knows what it will become.