Is Kink the new normal and is it hurting us?

http://www.xojane.com/sex/when-did-kinky-become-the-new-normal-and-am-i-the-last-woman-on-the-world-having-vanilla-sex

The Redhead Bedhead has done it again she posted something provocative to think and write about. Read the article and come back.

Vanilla Sex is great. I love a session of full body contact lovemaking. I haven't always felt that way but I learned a lot about myself when I explored kink. Safe, Sane and Consensual is the kink mantra whether your thing is whips and chains or shouting and name calling or anything in between. A couple I know sees the Beaver Cleaver marriage as kink. She dresses retro at home and does all the cooking and cleaning and does pretty much what he wants in the bedroom. But that isn't where they came from. She used to be a research physicist and made a chunk of change, now she is a stay at home wife by choice. It's like normal right? Their experiment.

We started with BDSM and worked our way back to vanilla too. My parents had kink down, a little too much for my young eyes but kink wasn't whips and chains then it was orgies and poly and free love because they came from Beav's house ideal. So it's all about perspective right?

She does ask a question that I find interesting though. Is the pop focus on kink making man to woman violence a sexy thing? Of course we know that BDSM is consensual. It is even asked for and planned out. The sub is in control. Dom's control is an illusory state that can be revoked or stopped at any time. If it isn't it's not safe, sane or consensual, it's abusive violence.

But among the uninformed when they see images of violence does it translate effectively? Do the newly sexual feel pressure to perform such things? And will this view of kink lead to more violent behavior, by the violent, using kink as an excuse? Already there is a great deal of violence among partners and not just man to woman violence either. I wonder if, as a society, we see so much more violence and sex that is violent or bumbling and uninformed if we aren't confused about what healthy sex even is supposed to look like. Not saying that BDSM is unhealthy. I wonder if you just see the trappings and read badly written erotica on the subject do you really know how it works. Until you converse about it and sometimes experience it can you know?

I for one don't think kink is the new normal. I also think BDSM should be left to those willing to do the thoughtful research and respectful communication involved that make it useful and exciting.

I wonder if it's not part of our privacy disease. Many of us grew up with little or no good information about healthy sex. Add twisted media offerings and bad advice from our peers and you have an informational mess. There were so many taboo subjects as kids, maybe our generation says too much. Of course knowing you have choices is great but real honest conversation about dynamics and healthy handling of those things isn't really talked about. Sex is exciting, rules, for most of us, are not.

So what do you think? Is kink presented as an option with no more real world information about how it works and is that hurtful? Are are we just more violent?