Honor and Gender

Here's the start point: What is Honor?

I enjoy the work of Brett McKay on his site The Art of Manliness while I don't agree with everything he says, much of it makes sense. But let's talk honor.

In the start point article he points out that honor is given by a peer group or superior based on the meeting of minimum standards, and new actions that support them. That it can be lost, must exist in an exclusive group of equals (horizontal honor), and that shame is an important part of the all or nothing game.

We view this, in modern times, as an adherence to some internal code of ethics, integrity, the keeping of one's word, behaving on the outside as one believes internally. Conviction and behavior that follows this. Unfortunately, this is not kept in check by any self monitoring awareness these days. Honor should include some element of respect for all things, and protection of the weak, rather than it's exploitation.

This brings us to the peculiar gender based honor system. A woman's honor stems from her person, bearing, charity and not least of which, fidelity and chastity, as judged by others. At least in bygone days, a woman's perceived honor depended a great deal on decent behavior by men and their view of her behavior. For women as property were judged like one's dogs or horses. A well behaved property meant that you were a person of honor. There are flaws in this argument that we will have to cover another time.

It's not so different now. As women we still bear the labels of shame because of rape, incest, abuse, and a lack of sovereignty in our physical person. We sought out the right to behave as men do, without the cost we normally incurred. The cost has not changed.

Once you seek equality by engaging in the competitive honor system of men you must show yourself equal in all things to men. Such a thing is asking an elephant to climb a tree. I'm not saying that there are not many women who are physically equal, or that there are not women who are not as staunch protectors, or financiers of family life. There are truly remarkable women who can perform feats of "manliness". However, it comes at a cost. Such behavior strips you of your femininity. Don't believe me? Think about the female boss who demands performance in the strictest sense, a ball buster. Or the woman who doesn't take excuses for bad behavior, the prude. How about the woman who says no. Bitch. Are these less damaging than slut, whore, nag or bluestocking? In truth, men are not easier on each other where a strict ethical code is in place but they take it as appropriate behavior for other men to behave this way. Whereas women in the same position, expecting the same things are greeted with derogatory back talk, and slandering gossip.

Historically, a woman's honor group has been other women and works best in the  cooperative rather than competitive. A grouping of women as part of a subset of a society who share as friends and family apart from the governess of men. I'm for honor systems, to a point but not so much along gender lines.

Shouldn't honor instead be adjusted as the definition of equality changes. Should we not include more people as equals based on new criteria? Should we not treat all living creatures with respect who honor the code? Our peer group should be all humanity, and the shame we accrue for violating the human code of honor should be regulated by self awareness as well as some external pressure. Should it mean our lives? I don't know. It depends on the severity of the infraction. If a person violates or kills should they be violated or killed? Is the goal of honor to weed out the bad or teach some lesson and civilize or raise the level of behavior to something more enlightened and harmonious? Or is honor outmoded?