Over Valentine's weekend I got a chance for some bubble time with my spice, Prof. We hung out, ate, slept, had sex. This isn't reality. It doesn't care about taxes, or government or responsibilities beyond self care. It's about being fully with another person. We don't have the luxury of this often. There are too many things to be done, discussed and dealt with. Laundry, dishes, cooking, going to the doctor, working and the other stuff that are part of having a life that is fairly comfortable but sometimes you have to make time for a little escape with the people you love most. Time to just be with them, just to see them beyond their practical role in the relationship.
Mad Science and I could use a little of this bubble time and we will talk about that need and then go do it. It's a chance to reconnect with what you love and know about the person and discover how they have evolved since last you took a close look. Let's face it most of us, if we feel secure and comfortable in a relationship go on auto pilot. Sometime later we look up and realize the person we have been assuming was predictable and unchanging has done something we didn't expect, like fall out of love or out grow us spiritually. So I think it is necessary to come back and see who that person is and be part of their lives instead of making them accessories to ours. I think that is part of the reason traditional marriage is in trouble. We put on and take off people as it suits us rather than doing the work to change with a person as opposed to expecting them to always be there to meet whatever needs we have without regard for their lives as people.
A relationship involves some sacrifice and care. The partnership is like a vehicle that takes the lovers from goal to goal and must be maintained consciously. To go thirty years and never give your relationship a tune up is the reason relationships sink. People can outgrow one another when left alone too long. The idea of a long relationship is to grow together. Does that mean you have to be attached at the hip? Not really but it is important to check in, discuss and negotiate. So we turn off the machines and go camping, we read to each other, we watch things that move us and discuss them, we check-in a thousand different ways but sometimes we need to loaf on the couch and cuddle, or have deep discussions into the night over a bottle of wine, or take time to be children together and have an adventure. The point of relationship is not to become secure and homogenous it's to cause us to grow at a deeper level. We can't do that unless there is some change and we are aware of it. How can you spend bubble time with someone you care about? Do you talk to your kids and spend time with them individually? How about your siblings? Do you really know them? What about those in your intimate circle? When was the last time you had a girl's/guy's night out? When was the last time you listened to what your spouse was actually saying?
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