Ok, I admit it. I am guilty of wanting to push something beyond it's current usefulness. I want the three of us to live under one roof or at the very least in the same town. It would be... convenient for me and arguably more convenient for them. The less I spend on travel, and the less traveling I must do the more time I have to spend with my guys. That said we had to talk this week.
I have said before I have a dreadful allergy to cats. Prof is a cat person, he has two. A week at his house is miserable for me without being so doped up I'm not really there. Prof is a single guy, who lives in an apartment, who has a skill set that would be useful in a number of settings but who stubbornly holds on to his sense of place, benefits of his job, and friends as reasons not to look for work closer or make the move. He admits he feels like a jerk about it when we discuss it. Though Mad Science and I are willing to move, given the right circumstances, we have a lot more to manage. Does the more heavily committed end of the FOC outweigh the needs and commitments of one person?
Honestly, no. But sometimes I feel insecure about the functionality of our current set up in the long term. Please note its been a decade, this has worked, changed and evolved over a decade and is still long distance. So I got thinking. Is it ok for that to be enough?
I asked Prof and he does like this set up, it works for him. He has all the comforts of bachelor life and married life. Though it's true he doesn't have me in proximity as much as he would like. That said he hasn't taken many steps to change that, either by finding someone else close that is available or to be here with me.
The question I really had to ask myself is: Is the end result of "marriage" the natural and only acceptable outcome for having an intimate relationship? Is my source family less family because we live far apart? No, if we want more contact or more time we just make plans for that. Is it less loving if we don't spend a ton of time together? We may not feel as close but we are still family and if one of us had a need for comfort there would be someone there for them. This is no less true in the FOC. If it is in our power we would do what must be done to support each other. Is living together necessary? Not as such. More convenient, yes. Essential, maybe not.
We all recognize our part in this. We cannot knowingly blame our unhappiness on another person. If I want a car sooner, I could get a part time job and make more money towards it. If Prof is unhappy with the situation, there are things he can do to ease the distress. Since the allergy thing is such a big health issue for me I am taking steps to adjust my treatment plan. Now that the shots are no longer working we will be discussing other options. Prof will be keeping his apartment cleaner and will be using the hepa filter more often as a way to help increase my comfort when visiting. Mad Science likes his bachelor time and consequently adds to the funds for trips. So we all observe what is discomforting and make compromises accordingly.
I also needed to know if Prof wanted more and what we could do if he did.
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