Out or Not why should I care?

Ok, So recently it was coming out day. A lot of people in the LGBTQ community and polyamory community have a hard time with coming out especially to the people close to them. I wanted to talk a little about my experience. When I told my mom I was bisexual she looked me straight in the face and said: "You are not! You are just saying that to hurt me."  She did not speak to me for a while. It sort of hurt my feelings but at the same time those few months of silence were the first time in my life I felt I could breathe. When she died I felt the same way. I was sad but had felt so oppressed by her hold on me and my guilt every time I would say I was done with her that I stayed enmeshed in that relationship. I miss the good times with her but I am sorry that she never accepted me as a whole person. We never had a good relationship anyway, so it would have made no difference if I had not come out. I don't regret telling her.

Mad Science's family handled it rather well when we told them we were poly. We had come to the conclusion that though our sexual proclivities were, in fact, none of their business we felt that because we were living with them at the time and they saw our comings and goings and thought them odd. (i.e. I traveled with male partners without Mad Science and we had sleepovers in our part of the house etc.) That they should out of  respect be told. That is how we approached it. We still have a pretty good relationship with them and now that we are in our own house we don't share much of our lives except when it directly affects them.

Since I have worked for my FIL so long I am consequently out at work. Mad Science didn't see how it was their business at work so he is not.

Prof is out at work and among friends but lives so far from his parents that he didn't really worry about them finding out by accident and for many years said nothing about it. Recently, he told his mom but not the rest of his family. They have kept many small secrets over the years, none of them bad really, just they trusted each individual to speak for themselves and consequently felt his mother could be trusted. We agonized with him over this decision for what seemed many months. She asked many questions and found a place of contentment in it even if she didn't like or fully understand his choice. The rest of his family he did not trust to over react and so they haven't been told.

My kids, who are grown, know and are unaffected by it. As for my siblings they are also unaffected by it as far as I can tell. Prof has been to a family event and no one really asked any inconvenient questions.

I had a friend ask me Out or Not why should I care?

To some extent I agree with this. My sexual conduct is no one's business but it's more than just sex. It's a long term relationship with two people. Two people I love deeply. They are part of the happiness and joy and part of the sorrow and frustration of my life sometimes. Having someone outside the FOC that gets that is important to me. If I need to talk through an issue before I bring it up to the guys, I need to be certain I am seeing it clearly. So there must be someone not involved directly that I can confide in, who will call me on my bullshit when I am about to make waves for less useful reasons. Someone, I can show the commitment ring to or shop for birthday gifts with, who gets how important it is. When we lost the Cricket a few years ago there was no one but the FOC who knew how much I loved him. I wasn't the wife and therefore received no sympathetic looks or comfort for my loss. Moonfaced Girl was there but she had her kids and her own grief to look after. We took point and handled things for them pushing our own grief aside but when the dust had cleared I had no one to turn to while I was trying to cope with the loss. I miss him every day but as a secondary it was hard. So coming out is about being allowed to be all of what we are with the people we love most, who share our history, and our triumphs and sorrows. I can't pretend to be like everyone else when I am not, but that doesn't mean I don't need the same love, kindness and understanding that "normal" people need. So if you are faced with someone who wants to come out, even if you don't agree with their choice, love the person if you can and let them be who they are. They do that for you when you tell them that they are wrong, why can't you do it for them?