Monogamy: how it is more than you think.

I recently read an article on monogamy. Here http://www.successfulnonmonogamy.com/the-four-monogamies/

So based on this info how do I see these four types of monogamy and how do they affect my poly life?

Sexual Monogamy: This is the main thing people may think of. You've heard me talk about marriage being a purchase of exclusive body rights this is really sort of implied in the commitment. However, there are a lot of poly people I know that have no penis rules meaning a wife can be with other women but not other men. I also know people who have fluid monogamy where sex is fine as long as there is no exchange of fluids, in some cases, this can even go down to no kissing and no oral sex without a dental dam.

We have a papers only fluid rule. When someone calls for testing like when a new person is brought in we all test out. We have found that everyone is pretty honest and takes the time to respect the other folks in the family by doing a little advance notice. For example, I know that Mad Science is going to get laid Beltane weekend. I mean who can resist Pan right? But in that case he packs prophylactics.

The author also puts out the idea that sex itself be defined as well. Is oral or manual sex still considered sex? What about communal masturbation? Or Anal sex? Phone sex? All ways to give and receive pleasure. We feel that all are sex. So that works out for us. I had a lover whose wife would allow him to please other people as long as he kept his pants on. So everyone has their rules. Knowing those is helpful when contemplating having sex with the attached.

Emotional Monogamy: "It's ok as long as I'm the only one you love."  I could assume that this is Love like I'm married to you and I'm the only person you can feel married to. Honestly, as our author points out there are so many different ways to be emotionally attached to someone else there has to be a clear definition. For us I love my guys equally but in different ways and for different reasons. I have more history with one than the other but I can't say I would definitely choose one over the other. I would have to be in that situation and examine the pros and cons at that time.

Social Monogamy: "Even if we aren't monogamous in other ways, I want people to think we are." To me this doesn't matter so much. I mean I guess if I met with his family I would be socially monogamous in that case. Perhaps in my neighborhood or if I had PTA. For me social monogamy is like showing a unified front for people who don't matter and have no business in our private lives. So it makes sense. I had a monogamous friend who allowed her husband to have sex on business trips out of town but they had what she called a "don't shit in your bed" rule. When he was home, he was to behave as though monogamous.

Activity Monogamy: The secret handshake for the relationship. For example a special vacation spot or restaurant, song, or ritual. Mad Science and I like to camp, Prof doesn't care to camp. Cricket and I loved to go to Hot Springs together it was our thing. My baby sister and I have little inside jokes that other people don't get. It's part of the thing that makes it great to have many loves in my life whether I'm sleeping with them or not.