Something New: parenting revisited

My son is on his way here as I write this. He will be staying with us, until he gets on his feet. He is grown so it isn't like he's expecting me to be a parent but I am still nervous; nail biting, kitchen cleaning and sweets making nervous. This is something I have been trying to become a better person for.  I want to be present for my kids in the most loving and kind way possible as long as they will allow it. Last time I had regular contact with him in person, as a parent, he was seven. Now, he's an adult and trying to find his place in the world. I remember that time. He is venturing out about the same age I got divorced from his dad and I remember being freaked out then, because I just didn't have the skills or information I needed to find what I wanted out of life.

I have to remind myself this isn't about me. This is not about me encouraging him to do the things I would have done at his age. This is about giving him understanding and space to sort himself out.

There will, of course, be a family meeting. Every new or potential family member is part of a family meeting at some point. We will talk about his needs, his desires, and his expectations and what we need, want, and expect from him. I know once I fall into negotiation mode it will not be a problem, it's my element. But I still worry. Talking on the phone regularly and having a bunch of stuff in common isn't the same as really living together and knowing each others flaws and hang ups.

Some part of me fought the urge to repaint my office for a him. I know he will need his space but part of me wonders how comfortable I can make him and still support him to be motivated. Ok, I am overthinking. I am sure it will be fine and I don't have to deal with this alone. I have wonderful friends with grown kids who will help me and a couple of great men who will be good role models.

So what am I worried about? Screwing this up. But baby steps right? The plan so far is to allow two weeks vacation for him so he can become acclimated to his new environment and get to know the city. After living together for two weeks we may have a better idea of what we expect and need from each other. So I have a couple of weeks grace. Saturday, I will be back to my regular posting but I will update you on the situation after our family meeting.