Case by case and face to face.

Jump point: http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2013/04/dont-use-mick-philpotts-case-as-stick.html

Ok, not everyone who practices non-monogamy is ethical. The publication of abuse cases, like the one sited in this article, demonizes a whole segment of the population. Just as the reputation of rapists demonizes ethical men, or obnoxious radical fundamentalists demonizes ethical religious people. They taint our willingness to examine each individual case without bias. When, are we as a society, going to realize that the complexity of human interaction can not and should not be generalized, boxed and sold to the public as the only property of a thing.

I can accept that there are abusive people in every form of relating, it is a property of being human, but I also know it is not the whole story. It's why I have chosen to try on so many types of living for myself so I would know, first hand. To automatically assume it is all the same, is a disservice to the thing you are discounting, based on one incident or worse, the loudest voice. For every dysfunctional monogamous relationship there are probably a great number that do work out well for its participants. For every crack pot radical there are thousands who feel that ethical stewardship of the planet doesn't include criminal behavior. Likewise, not every non-monogamous relationship is unethical in it's practice.

There is no real information to indicate that polygamy is subjugation of the independent identity of women involved, or that polyamory itself is not affirming for women. Certainly, just like in monogamy, there are domineering, abusive, self centered men and women but to say that all are good or bad, based on the childish narcissism of a few is ludicrous.

This man's practices reflect on him and those in thrall to him, not on the community as a whole. He paid a huge price for revenge, and had he seen his partners and their children as more than commodities, the cost might have been higher still. But in no way are his actions normal in the world of polyamory, they aren't even the norm for male centered polygamy. It isn't possible, there are too many variables for it to be true. Once we as a species stop boxing and generalizing we will be better off. Such limits on choices only makes us think less, experience the humanity of others less, and justifies all sorts of unethical behavior. If we devoted our time to seeing clearly case by case and face to face without baggage and judgement we would grow exponentially. Instead we choose the way of suffering, all because of the need to control the information we get as a means to maintain our own comfort and maintain the illusion of "rightness".