Labels are for folders

If you read my posts you know I'm always trying to sort out my place in this crazy world. I also usually have a jump point so here it is: from Dan P. at Single Dad Laughing, I'm Just Me.

In my life I have been straight, lesbian, bi, christian, pagan, buddhist, atheist, kinky, vanilla, poly, a mom, a sister, a daughter, married, single, dating, divorced, pro birth, pro choice, for guns, pro corporal punishment, against big gov, against big business, anti church, and tons of other things, and that doesn't even cover my work life. The point is, that I believe what we call ourselves is about where we are in the moment. Labels are useful as an exploratory tool to help us identify who we are and that changes over time. It isn't that I wasn't any of those things. What I am now in no way negates what I have been. 

It's like dating. I don't know if anyone else does this, but when I go on a first date, I literally try on everything I own. My life is like that, I try on roles like clothes to see if it's where I am. Sometimes those things are a good fit, sometimes they are but only for a little while. I grow out of stuff sometimes.

Labeling is a problem in the sense that other people want to lock you into an identity and all it's baggage (theirs or yours) and then want to get snarky when things change. You are not true to their idea of who you are and how you are supposed to act according to them. They call names: slut, fag, sinner, cleptocrat, etc. Why? Because they want the people around them to be predictable, controllable? Possibly, I think it may have more to do with them not embarrassing themselves. Like the guy who finds himself attracted to a woman only to find she is not what he expected. He's now angry about false advertising. His body or emotions have betrayed him and so he questions himself but is angry at the other person.

We all want to believe we can read people, that somehow we would just know if the person across the table is a racist or a category 5 schizo but we don't always know. It really is best to get to know a person, each person, without labels. Labels are expectations. Expectations are pre-paid resentments. I know someone who says expectations are like masturbation in the end you are only screwing yourself.

So like Dan, I am just me. If I claim to be something, remember it is not the world shattering permanent disappointment you are expecting. Much like asking if this dress makes me look fat, I have to ask myself if this label makes me the person I want to be.