Breaking up is hard to do

Well, it's official. I am down to one man again. Prof is gone. Sigh. I just wish it hadn't had to be angry. I did say some things that seemed condescending or could be seen as such and for that I can take responsibility, for that I am sorry. He is making an effort to eliminate me totally from his mind. No Facebook, no g+, no phone, no chance to explain myself. I hate that. But I do understand, if we were no longer happy it is the best decision for us both. I hope he goes on to find the peace and happiness I could not bring him.

Now my job is to just grieve and go on. Goodbye Prof. We have had fun, and learned a lot about ourselves I am sorry it had to be like this.

FOC update

You know how they say "Life is what happens while you are making plans"? Well, apparently, it's true for when you blog as well.

Prof and I have recently reexamined our relationship in light of some new information he has learned about himself and what he needs. We are stepping back from spending so much time together, to something a little more casual. We will still go forward together but he is no longer considering moving in with us. 

Honestly, this makes me sort of sad and also sort of relieved. Let me explain; I am sad because it has been very intense, these last couple of years. We have had many of those self knowledge explosions. I am relieved because with all the spiritual work I do I was beginning to feel a little threadbare. 

So, I will be taking the time I would have spent with him and redistribute it for myself for a while. I am also about to interview a new casual dating prospect. 

Prof's love interest found someone more interesting to her but she is making moves to get out of her loveless marriage in order to live her life on her terms.

Mr Atheist and the Griffin are now broken up. He, of course, is still trying to win her but she is having none of it. 

My good friend, Artemis, is battling cancer and we have been talking about making space for her if she needs us.

My young Jedi is lost between hopelessness and desire. He has had a couple of brief affairs while here but nothing really useful. He is in a big hurry to fall in love and get married. Little does he know that's where things get interesting. I have been trying to help him understand the value of providing for himself until Princess Charming comes so he knows he can do it without her if he has too. It is a comfort in a break up to know you have your own resources to fall to, if you need them.

Well that's the news this week. Now that I am disentangled I will try, dear readers, to be more diligent.

DOMA, poly saturation, and unicorn hunting

I am happy to hear that DOMA was overturned now my LGBT friends can have all the same rights from the feds as my hetero friends do, if married in a state where it's legal.

I heard a podcast recently which talked about how many is too many. For me I guess it would depend on direct contact. Who am I personally in relationship with. Three is currently my intimate limit. As far as metamours of the boys well as long as I didn't have to remember birthdays or anniversaries or kids names maybe a lot more. Really for me the sex isn't the important part so much now. Don't get me wrong I love sex but it is not essential to have it with another person as often. Intimacy for me is also about being heard and being able to be in someone else's confidence which I like very much. Having someone I can trust who will be honest not just complaisant. I agree with one commenter, if there are too many for a d&d game it's too many.

Unicorn hunting
In case you didn't know this is sort of offensive. Usually, it is a couple looking for a third person that they both have access to sexually or in relationship, where the third is expected to date both members of the couple but no one else. To me this always seems a little unreasonable to the third party. What if she likes the wife but not the husband or vice versa? And what if she meets someone outside the relationship that she wants to explore? Unicorn hunting implies a couple of things to me I don't like. One: the first preservation is of the couple and their stability in the relationship. They are usually in control of the situation. Two: calling someone a unicorn makes them an object without considering the whole person. Their needs are often labeled "drama" and overlooked. While it's not always true it does happen frequently and end badly.

Update

Wow has it been nearly a month since last I wrote? Well, here's the update. My daughter and her hubby have just had their new baby a lovely girl. normally people say things like: "I'm so proud of you...." whenever you accomplish something natural to human life that all or most humans do. I am not sure pride is the right feeling. I am happy that she is succeeding in pursuing what she thinks of as normal, as long as it makes her happy. As to being a grandmother .... meh. I don't know what to think. Mainly, it gives me someone to crochet toys and blankets for. I am happy for her, don't get me wrong, I am just not sure that celebrating a bodily function that promotes survival of an already huge species on an overtaxed planet is something to be proud of.

Prof had a recent doctor's appointment and we were really scared until the blood work came. It was one of those cases where the blood work says something different than the doctor's speculation. His cholesterol was down a hundred points and his blood-sugar A1C or whatever they call it was better. So my grief response was unwarranted, thank you very much.

Mad Science has been happily playing at the Foundry with a new play partner. We are trying to slim down expenses for savings, I am working on my christmas present list. My good friends are struggling right now with their relationship and I will be working on the film festival again this year. Not much news really.

Catching Up

I know I haven't written in a month pretty much exactly. Here is the news. I have so enjoyed having my son around that I worry that when he leaves that I will miss him more than I have a right to. Being quasi Buddhist the attachment thing can be a struggle sometimes. I know worrying about it isn't going to change the outcome but having a preference sets me up for disappointment. So I am determined to be in the moment.

Mr. Atheist and the Griffin have been having issues but I try not to be senseless and really pick sides if I can. They will work it out or they won't it is up to them.

Mad Science has dipped back into the kink world and had a good beating. Seeing the marks, left me feeling a tiny bit jealous. Here is one more thing I have given up that he now must find elsewhere. It suits my theory that no one person can be everything to another. Aaaand choosing what works for me, does mean I am taking care of myself but I still wonder how many of these things can a relationship take. But it is why we are poly, I suppose, not just for the intimacy but for all facets of relating.

I can be happy for him in his enjoyment and new friends but did need a little reassurance that he does love me. Having said that, I have to note that I am going to Profs for the week of wifery. We haven't seen each other much in the last two months because my car has no air conditioning and he hasn't had the money. Which has been stressful everything seems a bit unstable. The engineer kept him late making a lasagna for his folks and so I didn't get to see him the first day he arrived. Yesterday we all went to see Monsters University as a family. I felt like a queen surrounded by my guys Prof on one side, Mad Science on the other and the Jedi only a seat away.

It's also the first time since he's been here that I will be away from the Jedi for any length of time so that will feel odd.

All things considered things are great and I know rationally that nothing lasts forever but it is a good irritation to remind me to hold life lightly. I must remember that impermanence is real and grasping hold of things I want to keep, holds me back spiritually.

And now for something completely different

As I have nothing to rail against today and am in a particularly good mood I think I will keep it short and leave you with this to look at. And yes I made this, Link from Zelda is my next project. Have a great weekend everyone and do something fun like roll down a grassy hill or have a picnic.

The battle to be right

http://www.upworthy.com/wow-fox-newswoman-lays-epic-smackdown-on-fox-newsmen-for-obvious-and-blatant-misogyny

In our country there is and has long been a culture war. The loudest christians protest that because everyone is not of their same mind that they are somehow being persecuted. We are so far from lions and burnings at this point that it seems laughable. To pretend that this discomfort they feel, namely that they might lose their dominant place in societal governance, is persecution is a touch paranoid. The news just plays this on both sides of the issue.

I am not crazy about news coverage of any kind since most of it is biased toward the money that buys it. I also wonder how much of that crap is just made up for entertainment reasons. I happened on the above link and watched it. Ignore the headline because the footage says otherwise, this clip, rather than put the smackdown on anyone makes her look hysterical rather than rational. It is clear that the neither of these men take her seriously based on their smug expressions. The real problem here is that this is considered useful news. It isn't.

Secondly, the whole argument is ridiculous. There seems to be a trend in religious circles to want to use science as validation for their arguments while all the time maintaining that there is one right way that is unchanging for humans to live their lives. That isn't how nature works. Nature constantly changes and its denizens must adapt to survive.

Erick does talk about gender roles as a genetic thing and as for primitive hardwiring I do somewhat agree. There are very strong urges built into the human construct that guide our decisions. The problem is thinking that all humans are the same. A slight variation in  one person's gestation can make a huge difference in their likely success or failure. Consequently, saying all men should be breadwinners and all women should be stay at home moms isn't really applicable. So it isn't useful to try to force or legislate a state that clearly is not natural for everyone. Yes, two parent heterosexual families with dad making money and mom staying home do work. But to negate the possibility that other forms of family work well, is an injustice to free will and the individual's right to chose for themselves. It seems to me that often the argument is if you don't fit our idea of nature or science then you are an anomaly that must be forced to comform. This is on both sides of the argument.

Family, no matter how it is formatted, should ultimately produce happy useful people who contribute to the stability of society as a whole. That can only be really successful if each family gets to decide for themselves what works best for them. I am against the idea that any form is wrong just because it's formula doesn't meet the approval of prevailing religious opinion or federal mandate. If it harms no one and produces usefulness it should be left to the individual.

To call judgment fact as was done in this piece reminds me that we as humans can and will justify our own opinion right or wrong, useful or not. This really comes down to the idea of rightness. The duality that implies that there are only right and wrong ways no shades of gray that might also be as valid.